Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Ixitprise

I finished. I wrote 50,155 words. I am not sure I have ever before been so happy to finish a novel. I doubt it.

Note: The rest of this post does not make any sense. Please do not call the men in white coats. I am not a danger to anyone. If you would like to keep thinking of me as an entirely sane human being (granted, it may be too late for that already), stop here.

I finished it out by writing an epilogue about Rex and Biddy living happily ever after. But partway through I got sidetracked by the blogs.

According to the epilogue the blogs, who had never been mentioned before, "are a race of swamp creatures who live in all the swampy regions of the universe. They say a lot of things that do not mean very much at all but make other people think or laugh or pay attention to them.

"Blogs are one of the most common species in some countries. They come in many colors and have widely varying opinions. We are not sure why people take some of their opinions so seriously. For example, many of their opinions have attention called to them in the village of !Oohay. We do not know why the village leaders choose certain blogs to be attentioned in !Oohay. Perhaps because they agree with them or at least think they will be controversial enough to be interesting. We cannot say, because the village leaders of !Oohay are a strange lot who do not know what is good for them."

I don't know where this stuff comes from. It's late, I haven't slept much, and I think there may be something illegal used to replace the sugar in the sugar-free Klondike bars. Mostly the lack of sleep thing. There comes a point when you're too tired to...finish a sentence. Like this. What I meant is too tired to...to...close the door in your mind that opens in to...whatever this is. Or you could, but you're too tired to care. Anyway. Shall we get on.

Narcissistic Blog took over a neighboring kingdom, then Rex and Biddy saved it, then the machines took over, then Rex and Biddy saved it, yada yada yada.

Then Dustan became king of the White Kingdom in the icy north.

"In his kingdom there were a lot of petals. Which you do not expect because you already learned that it is in the icy north. Psych! But the petals were there, and they were mostly lavender colored, and the fairies of the deep south would come up once a year and collect a very many to take back to the deep south and sew into beautiful fairy dresses and hats and purses and billboards. In return they put advertisements for the icy north on some of the billboards. They said things like, “Wear your fur year-round!” and “It is always time for coffee!” Also, they kept the icy kingdom from being buried in petals, which fell from the sky like rain every so often like rain did in less not normal places."

Dustan had a pet ladybug.

"He hoped it did not die. Would not, that is. For a long time. He hoped it lived a long and fulfilling life. For a ladybug.

"The bug went on to win the Nobel Peace Prize and the medical one and the science one and the music one and the literature one. It was a very talented bug. But the president accidentally stepped on it when they got together for a meeting. Needless to say, he was not reelected.

"Life went on much as it had been in the household of the king of the icy north. He missed the ladybug some days, but he was glad he was not in the spotlight so much because of a bug. It had drawn some attention to the icy north and they got more tourists than before. He had a ladybug, one hundred times the size of a real one, statue built of ice, but some kid who lied a lot melted it by accident. The kid learned his lesson. He was put it* in detention for fifteen years. He grew up to become the captain of the Ixitprise, a space ship that went into space and explored the final frontier."

*Typo

See what I have to put up with?

I mean, a typo...seriously.

This is just what the epilogue is like. The rest of the novel is different. Badder (and contemporary sci-fi, not kingdomgs and stuff). So now I expect your support of my desire to see it go up in flames.

I am definitely returning to the fantasy and outlining route next time.

Maybe I should post one of my serious stories on here at some point.

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